I find myself considering a career in massage therapy. I have been thinking about it for roughly 3 years, but never with any real seriousness until now. Why now? Mainly because I want to move, and having a transferrable skill aside from office schmuck sounds fantastic. I have also recently met some people whom I think are inspiring me to do something that is not just paper shuffling.
I have struggled a long time with the feelings of uselessness inherant in a paperwork job. Yes I like my climate controlled office, but I hate just sitting there moving paperwork around. Yes it has a function, yes they pay me for it. It isn't flexible, but it is solid.
That is the real crux of my dilemma. Stabilty versus chosing my own destiny, helping people feel better, having great flexibility in my day, being engaged in my day and active in it, and yet the insecurity of appointment based paychecks.
I am drawn to the idea that becoming a healer involves immersing myself in energy work every day. No longer will I be able to isolate that from myself and run when it scares me, and I both love that and worry about it.
So there is this application process. I need to speak with the husband about it, but this school can and would work with my work schedule. It will probably cut into my bellydance time. But it is a chance to do something different, to be a different facet of myself, to make a difference in people's lives and to have a career be fulfilling.
The question I still have? Do I really want to do this? Do I really want to go into more school debt to do this? I don't know the answer yet. Does that mean that I shouldn't really do it because I'm not "driven from the start" to do this?
So I hang in the balance, thinking, analyzing, and trying to define what I really want. (Indecision sucks and I seem to be plagued with it these days).
